The Pregnancy Plot Twist

When you learn you're pregnant for the first time at forty and freak out!

Our little baby at 10 weeks

When you find out you are surprise-pregnant for the first time in the same season of your life when you turn forty, and your husband turns fifty, life suddenly takes a plot twist in a way you never imagined.

In literary Terms, “a plot twist is an unsuspected occurrence or turn of events in the story that completely changes the direction or outcome of the plot from the direction it was likely to go. Plot twists are designed to disrupt things in a story that the audience thinks they already know or have figured out.”

I was never the kid who imagined myself with children growing up, while others I knew dreamed of it, and many who, with joy, deliberately built their lives around this idea of motherhood. The truth is, it never resonated. I wasn’t repulsed by the idea, not at all, but there was not a desire for that life, at least not that I recognized.

When Landon and I got married (TEN YEARS THIS WEEKEND!) Pregnancy was always a remote conversation, like junk mail being put on the side table and forgotten about. We watched our friends have children and witnessed their lives change while we continued without embracing the thought. After being together for over a decade with no attempts of trying to have children and also not, NOT trying, suddenly, I woke up one morning with a late period, and I was NEVER late. There were still old pregnancy tests stuffed in boxes from a move years ago that we kept around, you know, just in case, but they never amounted to anything, much to our relief.

As I unwrapped this test, I expected the same, and why not? Nothing had changed. We were older now, finally at ease with the direction of our lives, and had assumed mine, his, or both of our bodies weren’t cut out for babies after all since there were never any surprises before this.

The test came back positive—two glaring pink lines. I was alone in the kitchen while Landon slept in. The silence was loud as my heart beat at an alarming rate. I found another pregnancy test in the box and another. I took them all until the kitchen floor around me was covered with lines that all said the same thing: “You are going to have a baby!” I grabbed a coffee and went to the living room to play Wordle. Yes, Wordle. I guessed words that meant nothing at all. After all, I wasn’t ready for this plot twist. I wasn’t prepared to wake up my husband and tell him that the world we knew together would change. And so I played Wordle, Connections, Spelling Bee, read the news, and scrolled social media. And then, three hours later, I went and woke my dear husband with the news.

For a week, we sat in shock, grief, confusion, fear, overwhelm, awe, E-V-E-R-Y. S-I-N-G-L-E. F-E-EL-I-N-G. H-U-M-A-N-L-Y. P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E. Though the plot twist was insane, we felt the invitation to embrace the ride. And so, here we are 15 weeks in at the start of the second trimester with a very different trajectory than we could have imagined. Here is what I know: we must continue to let ourselves feel all of it– the good, the bad, the ugly. The excitement, the not-knowing what will come, the mystery of letting go. Plot twists come and go in our lives; without them, a story lacks the rise and fall that comes for us all. These are the very things that make us look back with awe at what we experienced and what we could not predict.

I am excited to share this vulnerable journey with you through pregnancy and this new ride of motherhood. As always, life is a teacher, and I am anxious to learn from her. I can’t wait to share more of this story and what I’m uncovering along the way.

Blessings,
Megan

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